Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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