Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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