i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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