Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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