Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
