you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
