you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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