we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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