First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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