yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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