Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
