his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
