please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
