so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
