How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Come on in and take your pants off
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