Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
