If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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