the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
