Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
