fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
