I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I checked into jail on foursquare
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
