youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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