Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
my poor anus
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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