it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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