There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
