He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
