I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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