Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We have so much sex to catch up on
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
