I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
