Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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