I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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