People with herpes should wear stickers.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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