Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
