the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
