I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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