Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
