did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
