I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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