Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
