My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
