I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
