They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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