AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
