Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
