Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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