A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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