so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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