Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
