If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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