So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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