I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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