you mean i was at the winter classic?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
